Wild Wild Heroes
by Mediocre Storyteller
Summary: After a wonky time machine transports the Avengers to the Wild West, Tony must find a way back to the present. Add the fact that the others don't remember their lives as Avengers and consider themselves actual cowboys (and spy.) Oh! And Pietro's alive. Suck it Marvel. You bastards. Based off of a Tumblr post by @buckbuckbuckminsterbarnes.
1. The Little Black Box

"So, what did you bring us in here for?" An impatient Pietro tapped his foot. "I'm tired of waiting."

"Patience, Speedy. Bruce and I are almost finished. Just one more twist, annnnnd," Tony screwed a screw. "Done!"

"I'm very proud of you, Tony. You look so pleased with yourself. So why are we here? Is this little black Tesseract the answer to world peace?" Clint eyed the contraption that was on the table. He received at least three death glares and got elbowed by Natasha.

"It's not a Tesseract birdbrain, and I've learned my lesson. I'm not going to be touching the topic of AI anytime soon. This does something way cooler!" Tony picked up the box as he continued speaking. "This is a time machine!"

"Another doorway to absolute disaster." Clint received even more glares and a bonus punch from Nat. "Oww! It's true."

"I have to say, Clint's right. Who knows what could happen if we travel through time?" Bucky spoke up.

"Relax, Buck. Bruce and I've got that covered. I would explain in scientific detail, but you guys would die of boredom." Tony nonchalantly replied.

"Basically that box will take us to a parallel universe that's like the time period we want to go to. We can't convince historical figures to change history, but we can get a good idea of what life will be or was like back then." Bruce explained to the group as non-scientifically as he could.

"So it takes us to other realms?"

"You are absolutely correct, Point Break. Now, who wants to try this out?"

"Just wondering, have you ever used this machine before?" Steve asked.

"Nope. First try. I decided to include all of you guys in the fun."

"Tony!"

"I know, Nat. I'm too kind. So, where do you guys want to go?"

"Woah, woah, woah. Hold on. You're telling me that there's a parallel universe for everything?"

"I wouldn't put it that way, but sure, Sam."

"So there could be a place where Clint has a protégé and Steve and Tony are gay for each other? 'Cause I'd like to see that."

The room was silent except for Rhodey's laughter. It wasn't until that died down that Bruce managed to stammer.

"Let's _not_ go there." Bruce's shudder could've been heard from outside. "How about the near future? I've always wanted to go there. Who knows what technological advances people make."

"You know, if you live long enough, you'll experience it first-hand Bruce." Clint popped his head out of an air vent and quickly disappeared.

"How about the America in the 1940's?"

"Really, Capsicle? Like we'll agree to that."

"Tell me about it." Clint walked in through the door with a bag of chips.

"How-"

"Don't ask, Wanda. I may not be as fast as your other half, but I'm still pretty fast. How about Medieval Europe?"

"You know, Clint, they were called the Dark Ages for a reason." Pietro received a look. "What, you didn't see that coming? I'll find a way to counter all your suggestions, _bastard._ " Pietro emphasized that last word and stuck his tongue out at Clint.

Natasha and Wanda looked at each other while muttering something about boys.

And so the group argued, and minutes passed before finally Bruce shouted, "Stop! We're never going anywhere like this! You know what, let's just draw straws." Bruce walked out the door and returned a couple minutes later with eleven straws in his hand. "In case you guys don't know what to do, whoever gets the short straw gets to pick where we go." Bruce then walked around and let each person pick a straw.

"Oh, yeah!" Rhodey held up the short straw as he announced, "I choose the Wild West!"

"Whatever you say, cowboy." Tony put on a pair of goggles and began pushing buttons on the side of the box. "There goes the War Machine! Yee-haw!" He mimed swinging a lasso and was poked by Rhodey. "Hey, stop it!" Tony started laughing and dropped the black box. Several beeps were heard and the box began making a whirring noise.

"Uh oh." Sam voiced everyone's thoughts right before the group was blinded by a flash of light.

 **As you saw with the straws, there are eleven Avengers in this story: Steve, Tony, Bucky, Bruce, Thor, Natasha, Clint, Pietro, Wanda, Rhodey, and Sam. I'll explain the Avengers' roles in the Wild West later on in the story. From here on it'll be Tony-centric since he was the only one unaffected by the memory wash (to be explained later.)**

 **Or was he?**


	2. The Leaky Cup

When Tony opened his eyes he found himself in a lab. _No, a workshop. It's too old-looking to be a lab._

Indeed, the workshop was too primitive for Tony's liking, but for the time period it was very sophisticated.

"Welp. It'll have to do. Now, where are the others?" Tony spoke out loud as he got up and walked outside. It was at this point he noticed that he was wearing what would be a blacksmith's apron. He also had the goggles he was wearing earlier strapped on his head. "Huh. The mini-cube comes with outfits." He hadn't thought of a never for the black box yet, so he took the nickname from the Tesseract.

Say, where is that box? Great. Now he had to find his friends and the mini-cube.

"Now, if my friends were all given roles in the Old West, what would they be?" Tony began thinking out loud as he walked to a saloon that was down the road. (He needed a drink to wind down.) Some of them were easy, like Wanda being the town witch and Clint being a sharpshooter. Others, not so much.

"If Bruce is shy and modest in the Wild West, aww, who am I kidding? There's no 'shy and modest' in the Wild West! And what about Thor? Would he still be a god? Or would he be another cowboy?" Tony entered The Leaky Cup and immediately recognized at least five of his friends.

Rhodey, Thor, and Sam were sitting at a table playing cards. Steve and Bucky were chatting at the counter. As of now he noticed Natasha was serving them beer in a fancy black and red dress. Tony barely stifled a laugh at the thought of her being a saloon girl.

"Hey look! It's Rusty, here for a fancy drink." Pietro's voice rang from a table at Tony's right. Clint and Wanda were seated next to him. "Come and sit with us, Rusty!"

"I'm sorry, Rusty?" Tony could tolerate most nicknames, but Rusty? That was where he drew the line.

"Yeah, Rusty. We've called you that as long as I can remember. Don't play dummy on us, Anthony."

Before Tony could reply, Natasha walked up to him and spoke. "The usual, Rusty?"

Tony was too puzzled by the Pietro incident that he simply mumbled, "Sure, sure." He then sat at Pietro's table, thinking of it as an opportunity to get more info about the Avengers-turned-cowboys.

 _Those darn goggles._

 **You saw what I did there? Leaky Cup? Ha.**


	3. Rusty

Pietro was the conversation-starter. "So, if Rusty here's gonna play dummy we might as well teach him a few things. I'm Pietro and this is Clint and Wanda. Got that?"

"Actually, I already-"

"Good. Now, if you're from out of town you don't call us Pietro, Clint, and Wanda. You call us Quicksilver, Hawkeye, and Scarlet Witch. She's my twin, by the way. You should know that. Good information."

Clint piped up. "This guy's the fastest horse rider on this side of the Mississippi. Give him any horse and he can make it run a mile a minute. He can also run pretty fast without a horse."

"You can't make a horse run a mile a minute."

"Close enough, you _bastard_." Clint stuck out his tongue.

"Hmph. Well, anyway, Clint here is the best sharpshooter you'll ever know. Guns, bow and arrows, hell, I bet he'd throw _rocks_ in a fight. He can hit any target from a mile away."

"You can't hit anything from a mile away. That's too far for anyone. Even me."

"Well, it's close enough, you _bastard_." Pietro stuck his tongue out at Clint.

Natasha walked over to the table and handed Tony a whiskey. She exchanged a look with Wanda and muttered something about boys.

 _Deja vu. These guys are just the Avengers in cowboy costumes._

"So let me guess." Tony took a sip of his whiskey. _Huh. Not bad for the 1870's._ "Your twin is a witch."

"Well, looks like Rusty's getting his memory back." Pietro sarcastically drawled on. "Or he just had a lucky guess. How'd you know?"

"She looks like one. She has a sort-of witchy feeling about her, too."

"I do?"

"Sure."

"But, oh goodness, I hope the others don't notice." All of a sudden Wanda looked more tense.

"What do you mean?" _Damn! Don't ask the dumb question. Welp, too late now._

Wanda leaned in a little closer to Tony. "The sheriff and the other police officers are protecting me from the other townspeople. If they ever found out-" Wanda shuddered and grew quiet.

Pietro reassuringly lay his hand on her shoulder while muttering something incomprehensible. _Sokovian? But- aww forget it._

While Wanda and Pietro were having their sibling moment, Tony decided to ask Clint a question. "Uh, Clint?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's the sheriff?"

"Huh. Rusty doesn't remember anything after all. Well, Steve's the sheriff. He's over there with Bucky at the counter." Clint pointed in the general direction. "And while we're at it I might as well explain everyone else. Bucky's also a sheriff, but he used to be an outlaw, so no one's really sure of that guy. Except Steve. Steve _adores_ him. Sam's the deputy sheriff, always trying to help out. You're the crazy inventor who always comes up with these weird inventions to help us fight the baddies. Rhodey visits as much as he can, you know 'cause of the army, and when he does you usually give him a weird something to use. Thor is some god, or so he says, complete with a hammer and lightning everywhere. Crash! Bang! He scared Lucky once. He's my dog, the best dog anyone could ask for. And now I'm rambling about a completely different subject. Where was I? Oh, right."

Tony wasn't fazed by Clint's talking. Back in New York _(Say, what city was this?)_ Clint would talk and talk for hours. "Go on. You just finished mentioning Thor."

By then, however, Clint was already talking. "-And he loves his horses, that Bruce. He spends entire days at the stables, taming them. He's real smart, too, so he likes to work with you at your workshop. And Natasha, well," Clint began whispering. "She's a saloon girl, but you know that. She's told everyone in the bar about her secret at one point or another, but if someone's listening outside she's going to have my head." Clint whispered even quieter. "She used to be a double agent for a group of outlaws, but now she works undercover for the police."

"And that's everyone?"

"Everyone you need to know. Course, there are some others. Pepper and Happy own the Leaky Cup, as well as the General Store. You're friends with those guys, so I figured you should know that. And I think that's all of them."

"Huh. Good to know." Clint probably didn't hear him, however, since he was engaged in a lively conversation with the twins. Tony still had a bunch of questions, including some of the following:

 _Where is that mini-cube?_

 _Can we die here and never go back?_

 _How did Pepper and Happy get here?_

 _Did anyone else wear a pair of goggles?_

For now, Tony decided to let things be and go with the flow. After finishing his drink he exited the Leaky Cup and headed back to the workshop.

 **And that's Chapter 3! Sorry for such a hiatus. Life got in the way. I hope I can write Chapter 4 in a shorter time than it took me for Chapter 3. Please leave comments and reviews, and I hope you can read more soon!**


	4. Of Clocks and Goggles

If there was anything that could kill Tony's time, it was the workshop. Simply _being_ in there could inspire a new project. As of now he was making some slight changes to the rather shabby wall clock, if by shabby you meant adding an alarm system and a self-destruct button.

Tony was used to JARVIS keeping people from interrupting his lab binges, so he was startled when the door opened and dropped the clock. It began beeping quite loudly and whoever had walked in let out a cry.

"Tony! Turn it off!"

"OK, OK, I'm trying!"

Tony recognized Clint's voice but was startled yet again when the clock was enveloped in a red light and smashed against the wall.

"Ahh! Thanks, Wanda, but _please_ don't do that next time. That clock was going to be a masterpiece. Anyway, what are you guys doing here?"

"I wanted to see how our Rusty was doing, and Wanda decided to come along. Oh, and I think this belongs to you." Tony was startled a _third_ time when something sailed through the air and hooked onto the coat hanger. Tony looked and saw what Clint had thrown.

"Goggles? But that means-"

"My memories weren't washed away when we traveled through dimensions and I still remember New York, blah blah blah. I know already."

"So, how did you know about what everyone's job was?"

"Tony, I work for SHIELD. I learned a thing or two about getting a report's worth of intel in a minute or two."

"Huh. Go figure. I sure hope Wanda isn't confused."

"I'm not. I remember New York as well. My mind, well, it can't be tampered with."

Clint interjected with a question that had been in Tony's head for quite a while. "So, how do we go back?"

"I have no idea. In the meantime, keep an eye out for that black box. It's sure to help us somehow. Oh, and Clint?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you even put on the goggles in the first place?"

"Me? I'm just a weirdo who likes goggles." Clint then sidled out of the workshop with Wanda trailing after.

 **There wasn't too much to write about in this chapter, and I honestly have no clue of how the trio find the black box. Any suggestions?**


End file.
